When the way you like to think of them doesn’t line up with the way they are, you choose blissful ignorance over reality. If you’re being entirely honest with yourself, you turn a blind eye to much of what your partner does. You selectively ignore certain things they say or do, because they do not line up with the person you like to think of them as. You’re slowly realizing that they don’t think along all the same lines as you do – and rather than being intrigued by the differences, you’re annoyed by them. In reality, the responses your partner gives you in conversation often frustrate or disappoint you. In your mind, you’re dating a likeminded person, who sees things in many of the same ways that you do. You find yourself regularly frustrated by their responses. And when you’re around them you remember that – which, if you’re being completely honest, is disappointing a lot of the time. You’re dating a real person, who exists in real time and space.

You have a rich inner fantasy world starring your partner – and nothing makes you happier than knowing that you’re dating the star of those fantasies. You enjoy daydreaming about your relationship almost more than you enjoy engaging in it. You find yourself feeling disappointed with the reality of your partner, because they’re just not measuring up to the way you like to think of them in your head. There seems to always be a disconnect between how you imagined your partner would react to a given situation and how they actually react. You’re regularly surprised by their reactions to various situations.

You fell for them before you had a comprehensive view of who they were as a person, because you were more interested in who you could invent them to be. You didn’t take the time to properly get to know your partner before deciding that they were the person for you – you picked up on a few key traits and let your mind fill in all of the blanks.

What does it mean to love someone